Where it will stop, no one knows

Fall means change and I have felt my world spinning for awhile now.  It was spinning so fast sometimes I felt sick and confused. I was in the Willie Wonka movie on the ride...where it was going to stop no one knows.    Over the past few weeks a lot of change has taken place and it's been for the best.  Where most people spend their early twenties searching for themselves, I have been a late bloomer and it's my early thirties where I have had to find myself.  Over the summer the fun games of dating have grown old and boring.  I met some great guys, but I'm not trying to work hard at something thats not going to mean anything in a few months.  I have grown up a bit, become selective, and realistic.  I have enjoyed a summer of fun filled with friends, family and road trips.  I have started to actually talk things out with people instead of bottling it all in. It has felt good to open up and share in friends lives. I have also come to accept those who will never change, while it hurts, it is freeing to know that I can recognize bad patters and toxic relationships. I have worked on my leap year list. I finally got the real bed I had been pinning on Pinterest for the last year, and now I have rented a house! I think I have had my first glimpse into feeling like an adult....it's about time :) 

Change

I say I love that word, but reality is only when I'm the person who creates the change. In a week I have been encouraged to apply for an open position in a new state, told my sister is spending Christmas away with her boyfriend, and the apartment I wanted is originally vacant.

A new job sounds like a smart move, but it also leaves me wondering what I could still do where I am at. I have never jumped ship till I was ready. Now it's being openly talked about. I have some decisions to make over the weekend.

My family has always been together for the holidays. It does give me a slight twinge of sadness to know my sister is in another city. Who else am I suppose to open my stocking with and laugh? I'm happy for her and her boyfriend, I will just miss them. It will be our first Christmas apart. What can I say? I'm the oldest and have watched her open all of her presents for 24 years.

How does it happen that you sign a new lease and the apartment you wanted is now open? Do I move? It would save me money, but what if I get a new job offer?

Life is complicated, November is a soul searching month. Who do you trust? I have learned that friends can be enemies.