Feeling like a grown up

I rented a house! I'm so excited for yard work, cookouts and space. It must be fate because it's even yellow, one of my favorite colors!

Where it will stop, no one knows

Fall means change and I have felt my world spinning for awhile now.  It was spinning so fast sometimes I felt sick and confused. I was in the Willie Wonka movie on the ride...where it was going to stop no one knows.    Over the past few weeks a lot of change has taken place and it's been for the best.  Where most people spend their early twenties searching for themselves, I have been a late bloomer and it's my early thirties where I have had to find myself.  Over the summer the fun games of dating have grown old and boring.  I met some great guys, but I'm not trying to work hard at something thats not going to mean anything in a few months.  I have grown up a bit, become selective, and realistic.  I have enjoyed a summer of fun filled with friends, family and road trips.  I have started to actually talk things out with people instead of bottling it all in. It has felt good to open up and share in friends lives. I have also come to accept those who will never change, while it hurts, it is freeing to know that I can recognize bad patters and toxic relationships. I have worked on my leap year list. I finally got the real bed I had been pinning on Pinterest for the last year, and now I have rented a house! I think I have had my first glimpse into feeling like an adult....it's about time :) 

The Young Romans "Where You Go"

Leap year list is six months in...this would be a big one to make happen in the year

4th of July blows this year...and I don't mean in fireworks

Note to self, leave town over major holidays when you are not planning the fun. It's sadly lonely when everyone else has family and friends with places to be and you are the dork left asking what people are up to. On the 4th of July you just want to hang out with people...or at least I do...and not just randoms.  Lesson learned, find more friends and soon!

Drink's with Dad

This weekend my mom is out of town and my dad had surgery recently, so I'm visiting home while I have some time off of work. I'm being helpful mowing the lawn, lifting heavy objects and helping out with the farm. Tonight Dad made me a steak the size if my head and then we headed out for a drink downtown, in our very little town. If you have ever read this blog you know that my Dad is my go to person for advice. Tonight it moved from religion to politics to relationships...pretty typical. The best part is we don't always agree, but respect and understand the other persons side. The best part was the knowledge and experiences he is willing to share. I feel pretty lucky to have him him as my Dad. Not many men compare. Happy Fathers day to to a great dad!....little early.

Leap year list #6

Brew my own beer. I found a supplier and a recipes :)

We have a good thing

Let go of fear, turned off the online profile, and I'm enjoying the moment.  It feels great to live in the present! Thanks Dad!

Dad's advice

"Stop freaking out or I will wallop you!" 

Stop freaking out....right Dad! This guy has potential, baggage included and this time around they seem to mesh. I'm struggling with the attention.  He wants to be around me, talk with me, likes to call, willing to go my pace. We even started out as friends.  I should be really excited. What's holding me back? I feel myself wanting to argue points that I deep down agree with...also known as sabotage.  

Dad is right, I need to stop freaking out.

Why am I more comfortable in relationships that are messed up? Why do I listen to the guy that tells me it's always my fault, my quirks, my space, my lifestyle, my animals, my talking, my energy, my dress, my friends, my age, my cuddling, my processing, and one more...me. Looking into my heart I can't understand it's desire. If I say I want a partner, a person that loves to spend time together, wants a family someday, to be social with my friends, supports my ambition and vice versa, loves kissing, likes to explore, doesn't mind my animals and our routine, wants to be involved, listens to my whole story and asks questions, and loves me in the end after all of this....then why Heart do I feel you retreating to your cave? Why do you still want someone unstable and unable to commit?  How are you and my head going to sabotage this one? Will you have me kiss a stranger...thats my MO. Will you make my heart believe that people can change?  Will you have me fixate on something about the person that will drive me nuts in the end? 

My Dad said to slow down, live in the moment and let happiness come.  I have been running away for six years.  It's long enough.  

My Dad is a smart man. 

Emotions

It sucks after a week that was extremely stressful i can't get it together when its over. Need to learn how to separate work and home, there is more to life. Sometimes it's just hard to see.

Leap Year List #5

I have no excuse. There is one at the end of my road!

Still not ready to see you

I was reading the thought catalog this morning when this story popped up. It made me think of old relationships and actually friends. How moving on or starting something new alters a current relationship.


http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/im-still-not-ready-to-see-you/

Problems of dating

Everyone knows dating is complicated.  In the busy world there are multiple factors that make a date not work. There are many road blocks along the way and in the end often most meetings do not work out. Here are a few that I have run into in the process.

Busy girl problem:
You really like the guy, are not ready to be exclusive, but don't have time to really meet up with new people, but don't want to freak out the current beau and give the wrong idea, and you do really like the guy so far so you also don't want to give out the wrong idea that your feelings are neutral. How do you tell them?

Multiple dating problem:
You meet a few people all around the same time and then progress at different comfort levels with each person. You also are not always the same person around the different guys because they bring out different characteristics. You have to be careful to remember the individual details and not confuse the information.  Often your availability is limited due to multiple dates in a week.  It's exhausting and in the end usually none of them win because it's to hard.

Chemistry online, but not in person problem:
You talk online and can not believe how you hit it off! When you meet in person there is an instant moment where there is absolutely no attraction. If you do find them attractive, but through conversation realize that the chemistry online was due to the fact you could both banter in a witty way through thoughtfully crafted emails.  In person there was just a big fat thud.

I really really really like this person problem:
The I really really really like this person is also known as the deer in the headlights I'm to spooked to move problem so you don't move.  The dates start to go really badly, and they are your fault. You know they are your fault, but like a deer in the headlights you need to be coaxed forward to move.  It's almost like your body is trying to sabotage you.

Amazing first meeting problem:
It's an amazing story of how you first met. You agree to go out, but then they never actually get around to asking you on a date. The world screams ask them out, but statistically you know that if they don't initiate the date in the long run it's not going to happen. Plus the first time meeting was so great that the date would be impossible to match.

It's going great:
It is going great...all of it in fact! The pace of the relationship, the chemistry, the secret tests (friends, animals, kissing) and now you actually feel like it has potential.  You actually want to know more about the person. The deeper things like past relationships, who they want to be down the road, and some of their fears.  Potential can be really scary when the above list lingers over your head.  Here is to trusting the process, everything happens for a reason, put it in someone else's hand, have patience motto's.  This isn't a problem, it's actually a good thing!

Bunghole Queen

Written on the bunghole in my hand was "Tour guide ---heart--->>>Dizzy"

It's girls weekend, my friends from Ohio are up for a visit. We head up to Milwaukee for a brewery tour at the best tour on earth!  In true Dizzy fashion I couldn't find the email confirmation for the tickets, but I did see the charge on my credit card. Here was hoping my name was on the list!  Fast forward to glasses in hand and the tour guide giving us crap for straggling behind at the beer counter.  After mentioning icebreakers in his talk and making fun of my shoes, my friends and I came to the concluding that we all are in Higher Ed.  I was laughing my ass off on the tour with all of the references to orientation and student affairs theories. In the middle of the tour they explain the distribution process and the "bunghole" that gets waked into the keg at the end. Of course they set the mood first, dim the lights, place on soft music, etc.  Each tour they pick and queen and I got the bunghole :) At the end of the tour the five of us talked about the conferences we were going to, where we all went to grad school and what we were doing after the tour. Our guide suggested we all meet up when he was off work. I passed him my phone and as he was typing it in he got a funny look on his face. He asked to talk with me in private for a moment. His number was already in my phone under his first name and last name "match," apparently we had already talked via match.com. We had in fact texted a few times but never went out. I blushed and was awkward. My friends were dying laughing at me. I think this is the best meet story I have ever had in my life! Oh and with the bunghole in hand, I got  to drink for free. That was a sweet second!

I like you

Source: Uploaded by user via Nora on Pinterest

I think this picture is perfect example of where I'm at, I like you (shhhhhh), but not ready to say it so I'm going to write it secretly in my notebook.  Happy Valentine's Day and cheers to the start of my Leap Year List :)

The chat window in online dating

Dear Gentleman,

I know that sexting, sex chatting, and dirty talk is fun...trust me...but sometimes it gets really old and unsexy when that is your only opening line every time. Sometimes I just want to open the chat window to a "hi" or even "hello" and not "it's 10 inches"or "want to watch me jerk off." No where in my profile do I say "only looking for sex,"in fact it says "looking to date." I didn't even post a picture of me half naked in my bathroom trying to take a picture. She did click on her ^

Leap Year List # 4

Find a reason to wear a beautiful dress that is this big and bright!

Source: sheridanfrench.blogspot.com via nd on Pinterest

Here is to starting over with the right attitude

Congratulations! Today is the deadline. While this moment is bitter sweet in many ways, it's also daunting.  I have been practicing over the last few weeks to shed my fears that I mentioned in "Moving on is hard". I think I'm ready, and if I'm not I have my coach to keep me in check!   I had a little coxing, but I got back onto a new free dating site and I have already been asked on a date. Here is to hoping what I wished for is what I really want , Leap Year List, !

Friendly fond sincere

"Maybe it was because we found being in each other's company so effortless. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he had clearly been in love with Bitsy Houghton since he was a kid (star crossed romance being the spoiler that it is). Either way, we knew that our feelings for each other weren't urgent, or impassioned, or prone to deception. They were friendly and fond and sincere.
It was like the honeymoon bridge.
The romantic interplay that we were having wasn't the real game. It was a version invented for two friends so they can get some practice and pass the time divertingly while they wait in the station for their train to arrive. - Rules of Civility

Are we gonna do this or not?

Leap Year List #3

Learn how to make a cake and/or cupcakes from scratch. Tonight was my first attempt of many. I want to figure out how to make the perfect white cupcake.  The next part will be how to make it pretty...but one thing at a time. There is tools and frosting to tackle before that happens.